The Beast

My sophomore year of college I had a suitemate who was a bit odd. Part of me wanted to feel sorry for her, but at the same time she was so mean. We lived together for an entire semester and I don't think she said more than about 4 words to me. Most of that was her asking me for towels when she clogged our toilet. She was a fun one to live with. I generally referred to her as "The Beast". Just to help you paint a visual: she was overweight, had acne, long dark brown hair that generally looked like it hadn't been combed in a month, and always wore plaid shirts, jeans, and work boots. If you looked in her closet it looked like the guy from that show "Home Improvement" lived there. Not Tim the tool man, but the other guy.

One day "The Beast" showed up with flowers and a card from her boyfriend. She brought them in the front door of the dorm and showed them to all the girls on our floor. Of course being the typical OBU girls everyone was ooohing and aaahing over the flowers and how sweet the guy must be. This happened a couple of other times, but the funny thing was we never saw this mysterious boyfriend, and he supposedly lived there in town. One day I was in her room, and looked at the card that she had on her dresser and the message and signature was in her handwriting. Then being the horrible person that I am I looked in her desk drawer and she had a whole collection of cards, just like the ones she had been getting from her boyfriend. The funny thing is they were blank.

At the time we made fun of her and talked about how pathetic it was that she would invent a boyfriend for herself. We just couldn't figure out why someone would be that desperate.

However, as I get older I can understand that feeling of desperation. Now I'm not saying that I would invent a boyfriend and send myself flowers, but I think I understand why someone would.

When someone sends you flowers it's a way to show the world that you are loveable. It didn't matter to her whether or not she was actually loved, but that people thought she was. I think people treat those they believe are loved differently. Because if someone is loved, there must be something of value about them.

Awhile ago I read an article (or maybe it was in a book, I don't remember exactly) about engagement rings and how they were a symbol to the world that the person wearing them was loved. That ring was what told the world they were worth something to someone. I wish I could remember more about the article, all I really remember is thinking there was some truth to that. I don't believe that my worth as a person is dependant on whether or not I wear a ring on my left hand but I do think there are those who believe that.

Whenever I see someone I haven't seen for awhile, friends or family, one of the first questions they ask is "so are you dating anyone?" They'll ask about other things, but not until after they get that out of the way. When I answer that I'm not I get a sympathetic look and they usually say something like "oh well you'll meet the right guy eventually." Although, recently I've started hearing things like "well you know some people are just meant to be single." I believe that these are the people who think that nothing about me maatters until I find that guy who thinks I'm loveable.

Perhaps 'The Beast' was right in making up a boyfriend that loved her. If I did that maybe I could avoid all the awful "so are you dating anyone" conversations.